Wednesday, August 26, 2009

No Satisfaction: A tragic lunch story

In an effort to eat a filling yet non-super-fatty lunch today, I spent 25 minutes trolling the aisles of the grocery store. Here’s how it all went down.

The deli aisle proved to have too much mayo.

The only thing at the salad bar that didn’t give me a gagging feeling in the back of my throat was the 7-layer salad which is basically 7-layer dip.

I moved on to the cracker and chip aisle sensing that nothing there was going to give me satisfaction.

I walked briskly to the frozen aisle section filled with a sense of relief knowing that my lunch was hiding somewhere behind the frosty doors. It wasn’t. I found a bunch of options that I decided were all simply frozen chemicals shaped into what looks like food.

Then I had an a-ha moment as I turned to the refrigerated food behind me: Yogurt! But if I have yogurt I want the berries and the granola, too. Too much work.

By this time I’m thisclose to tears because my stomach is eating my spleen. My thoughts were now more in the eat-whatever-you-want-just-do-it-fast camp.

Cheese, yes, cheese. That’s what I want. But not a whole brick. Back to the deli. 2 pieces of co-jack cheese. Check.
Thirsty. Juice. Bottled smoothie – perfect. Check.

I decide popcorn will round out this misfit lunch.

The bagged popcorn is filled with oodles of fat – who knew-but I was now committed to a crunchy food so I obsessively read the labels of the things that I think will be the least artery-clogging. The Pirate’s Booty caught my eye. The low levels of blood sugar had me convinced this was the healthiest option.
Crunchy food: check.

So I sit here back at my desk having just ingested my “lunch” and wished that my blood sugar had spoken to me sooner because I would have gotten that Happy Meal that I really wanted.

1 comment:

Amy said...

First, hilarious!

Second, so sorry—I have been in such a dilemma before and know how it isn't fun at all!

Third, this is the most you've said in... forever? :) Yay to starvation!